Some people have a fear of spiders. Some have a phobia of heights. But I, dear reader, am terrified of the mortifying ordeal of being known. I do not wish to be perceived. And, like a beating heart at the centre of that fear, I specifically do not wish for anyone to be able to see my nose.
Mii makers, for years, have been struggling to hide the schnoz of their characters, which generally tends to interfere with the aesthetics of what they’re trying to go for. Many cartoon characters — the inspiration behind a lot of Mii creations, obviously — have no noses, or, at the very least, unorthodox noses. And yet, the Mii creation tools insist that there is no such thing as a character with no nose.
None of us were expecting the re-release of Miitopia on Switch, and even fewer were expecting the re-tooled update to the Mii creation tools that allowed us to create incredibly lifelike interpretations of famous faces. But alongside those detailed new tools, the Nose Problem persists.
Here, take a look at my Mii:
And now, look a little closer:
It’s still there. The nose is still there. But at least you can’t see it, right?
I just try to pretend it’s a weird-looking lower lip or something.
We have come so far, invented wild new technology, yet noses — we just haven’t figured them out yet. They remain, like a stubborn stain, the scratch on our TV screen that we can’t buff out: permanent evidence of our failings as humans. Instead, we have to create abominations with noses hidden in their mouths, their glasses, or their hair. It’s WRONG.
Just let us remove noses, Nintendo. It is all we ask.